My random thoughts and sometimes poems

Hello again! It’s been awhile since I’ve written here, but I’m on a writing kick, and now, I’m back.

I’ve decided to find a specific topic for the blog this time. I’m going to write about my experiences as a highly sensitive ISFJ.

Today, I’m going to focus on the highly sensitive portion of my personality.

(For those who are unfamiliar with the term “highly sensitive”, here’s a brief definition taken from hsperson.com.

“The highly sensitive person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.”)

Because I’m highly sensitive, it makes me very reactive. Loud or unusual noises, unpleasant smells, uncomfortable or unfamiliar sensations– basically any change to my environment that disrupts or affects my senses–makes me react facially. I narrow my eyes, purse my lips, and in general, just look ticked off. I can’t control it; it just naturally happens. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until someone says something.

This happens most often when I’m walking and someone passes by me too closely or I have to adjust my path to avoid crashing into someone. I also have a bit of a wandering eye. So when I feel like I’m going to walk into someone’s way, I narrow my eyes and my facial expression changes because it’s an unexpected change in my environment.  I may look annoyed, but I’m really not.

So if I narrow my eyes at you, now you know: it’s nothing personal; it’s just my high sensitivity kicking in.

 

 

 

Come go with me now

Here are a few poems for you all. One was written about a month ago about my trip to my college town, and the other one was written a bit more recently.

Stranger in a foreign land

Voices speaking words I do not understand

Who I once was

Lost in the past

Sweet then sour

The taste of those days

Erased by all but my tongue

Fragile, focused, incomplete

Now jaded, monotone

I return

Still incomplete

I return, seeking solace

Or atonement

May I have courage

To treasure these moments

But be content.

Through different voices

Our language is the same

We see the same truth

Through rainbow-hued lenses

An eerie symmetry

Our spirits granted

A light to shine upon us

Breathing in the here and now

Capturing the wonder so often

Gone unseen

United yet free

By the pow’r of our hands

We press on.

I just found this poem and couldn’t remember if I posted it or not already. So if I have, my apologies…

Shalom.

I chase it, but to all the wrong places.

Where I find it, it visits,

But only overnight.

I know where its true source lies

Not within me – where callous voices reign

But outside, in the love of my Creator.

My mind remains restless, divided.

The lies tearing at me, trying to tear me down

Till nothing is left.

The truth I need to rescue me

Slowly, relentlessly, seeping into every corner of me

Yet not fully comprising my state of being.

I cannot compromise

Yet I cannot find victory completely.

All I can do is pray that

The

Right side

Wins.

I’d keep you safe

Here’s a new poem about how the people I love always stay with me…

These fingerprints
They mark my heart
Each imprint a stain
An unbroken refrain
Calling me back to
Those I have loved.

So last night, I met one of the people I admire most in the world, my favorite musician for the past 12 years, Andrew McMahon (of Jack’s Mannequin, Something Corporate, and now Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness). I have been to many of his concerts, but never had the chance to meet him till now. I was nervous as hell, but how could I not? I had so much to say to him, but all I said was that I had been a fan of his since 2002, and had him sign one of my poetry notebooks and then took a picture with him (which is now displayed everywhere: my profile pic on FB, my phone, soon framed on my desk). After I left, I ran down the street screaming, and I’ve had a smile on my face ever since then. I just can’t believe I actually met him!! It was one of the best experiences of my life!

I just found this poem…it’s somewhat of a self-portrait.

Birthed of chaos and silent thunder
Here I stand
An amorphous amalgam
Seeing all but standing still
Fated for silence,
For battles of shame and defiance
Framed by expectation,
By alienation of affection.
I turn,
Stepping right then left
I am captured
A portrait in stasis
But over all,
I am ruled by love.

I dare you to move

So here’s a poem I wrote after feeling like life was just too constraining and I just wanted to do NOTHING.

Constrained inside
My purpose is to please, obey
I cannot stretch,  spread,  doubt these lines
That have been drawn for me
Over and over.
I am an aggressive automaton,
Awakened by hope, need
Dream,  desire.
I long to burst into flight,
A comet exploding,  stretching
Into the emptiness of night.
No voices call my name,
No hours upon me restrain.
Only silence abounds.
And oh, the wonder
The marvelous wonder!
Carry me
I am a tumbler, a tumbleweed
Here, I am free!

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